Sex is in the air

Springtime is all about sex, plenty of sex - ORGIES!

My first spring living in Florida and I wasn't prepared for the seasonal journey into hedonism.

Cooler winter temperatures suddenly gave way and soared into the 80s. Blossoms signaled the start of the party. Billboard-sized hydrangeas advertised themselves as neighborhood brothels. In the heat their pistils dripped with nectar, screaming with desire to be caressed by pollen of nearby stamen. An ages-old trick, they used their sweet fragrance of sex to lure all types of residents. Tiny feet, wings and tongues trailed yellow dust across their intimate parts.

Even my own vine I brought, packed into the car, all the way from Ohio succumbed to local evil ways like I never expected. I've raised the enormous vine from a single sprout, included in a "get-well" planter I received after my appendectomy thirteen years ago. It remains unidentified, nameless, but still a family member none-the-less. (If anyone reading this can tell me the species of my vine, I'd be very grateful.)

This past week my vine shamelessly exposed itself, hanging heavy with maybe a hundred flower whorls. Normally, I see a dozen or so, but a hundred? Florida turned my vine into a hussie! Embarrassed, I hoped no one else noticed, but no. Closer inspection revealed a dozen horny creatures already hanging on blossoms, prepared to give their best "come on" lines to potential mates. Butterflies flashed their gaudy colors. Little male lizards extended bright orange throat pouches to impress the next lady lizard who passed. Intoxicated by the scent and sticky nectar from my vine, along with their own bodies screaming for release, they didn't even notice me snapping photos.


“The flower is a jumble of thighs, the sun's harem - the most oriental thing imaginable.”
~ Malcolm De Chazal